Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You can't special order awesome
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
