that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
