I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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