I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
