There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
