Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
