My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
