I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
