Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
