it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
