matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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