tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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