I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
