I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
