By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
