You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
