I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
