i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Screwed.edu
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
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