Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize