I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
