I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
