i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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