I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
