i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
