she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
