why didn't you poke me back
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
