the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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