well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
