dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize