wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
