this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
