We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
