Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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