he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
