AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
