You made me cry and you don't even care
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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