The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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