i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
