im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
