Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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