...so i touched it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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