i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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