mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
