guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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