I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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