So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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