Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
