Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
