And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
