Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
