i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
