The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
