Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
