Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
