It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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