Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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