Who wears a wallet chain?!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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