do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
