you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
PANTIES FOUND
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