I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
