first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
True strength comes from lack of pants
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
