so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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