Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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