she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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