I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dear god my vagina.
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