wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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