I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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