i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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