I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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