she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
