I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
