i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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