Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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