I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
