is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
