doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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