Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
how drunk are you?
Several
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
