Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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