Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
