I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
