Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
