Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
